Seeing as I shall be dropping the mantle of twenty something and entering into the realm of 30 I have been thinking rather a lot of late of how my life has changed from what it was ten years ago. And especially about my battle with depression this past year. I know I know everyone is doing it. The whole scarred childhood scarred pregnancy, birth, postnatal depression, potty training, disastrously going to hell in a hand basket sort of way. Things are so much better now not just because of the drugs, and they did the job, but because I found a voice to annoy people with and admit not only to my friends and family but to myself that I was not right. I’m better now honest there is still a darkness in me, but that was always there it just got away from me for a little while and I lost control. I’m so far from perfect anything but I’m trying to be a better person, a better wife and mother, stronger and happier in myself. I still have my black days but I’m female and that is all part and parcel of the double x.
Last year had its dark days but so far this year seems to be going a lot smoother, I have started writing again, not much yet but this is a start. I am learning to knit, and becoming more green fingered in the garden instead of black, I now have seeds sown and new plants potted. I have painted.. Well I’ll get back to that. And I have been doing a lot more pottering in the kitchen so if not healthier food at least its homemade and tastes better. I hear the call of cake.